Actress turned director Heather Graham has made a comedy – Chosen Family – about her struggles to stop being a people-pleaser which led to her splitting from her family thirty years ago.
She was born 29 January 1970 5.37pm Brookfield, Wisconsin, with an FBI agent father and children’s author mother who were religious and disapproved of her opting for an acting career.
“I stopped talking to them and, I have to say, that was a huge relief. I felt like, at that moment, my life opened up with a freedom. I didn’t need to please them.”
She does have a tricky chart with a Scorpio Moon conjunct Jupiter which would be where her tendency to put on a good face comes from but that opposes Saturn in Taurus for a less than nurturing childhood and probably a fair amount of double-messaging. The opposition squares onto Sun Venus in Aquarius so she’ll have a need to be noticed and Jupiter Venus will also be inclined to smooth over unpleasantness and aim for harmony.
Her 8th house Mars exactly conjunct Chiron opposes both Pluto and Uranus so there would have been heavy undercurrents of anger and domination when she was growing up. Her Saturn is also on the focal point of a yod inconjunct Neptune sextile Pluto and Uranus which requires a backbone and presumably the ability to put down limits before it works well.
Fascinating chart with strong sugary sweet Jupiter Venus Sun aspects but the rest of it is bubbling with with feelings which are the exact opposite.
I gradually cut ties with my family in my early thirties, though it was almost a two-way thing, as I was in the process of being disowned by them, anyway. It was excruciating, because I had really loved and needed them, despite the enormous damage they had inflicted.
I have just a couple of similarities to Heather’s chart; Pluto and Uranus in the 2nd house (I also have Sun and Venus there) and Chiron in the 8th. It’s certainly true that I have had to find my own values, which are fundamentally opposite and contrary to everything I was taught to believe. Made harder by having Neptune in the 4th house which in my case manifested by having to sacrifice/obliterate my own self in order to survive my family. Trying to find out who I am is still an ongoing journey, decades later.
My sister and I were disowned by our parents in our early 20’s. We tried to reconcile off and on for 8 or 9 years.. without success. Both of us, without consulting the other, made the decision to cut ties completely with our parents. My sister never did reconnect with them. I never did see my father again. And I waited until I was 60 to reach out to my Mother…. after a LOT of time, energy and money spent on my own healing. I, too, created my “chosen family” and have used that term specifically for over 30 years.
All to say…. it takes a very strong astrology chart to make this kind of decision. Heather has her south node in the first house. My south node is in Aries. Heather has Moon in Scorpio conjunct Jupiter in Scorpio… in the 3rd house. I have Moon in Aries in the 3rd opp. Jupiter in Libra in the 9th. Heather has Mars in Aries…. as do I.
There is a fierceness of Self…. of needing to even FIND the Self!!!.. in this incarnation… and a willingness to risk big to find this healing. I, too, was cute and nice and obedient as a child and teenager. But all the while, deep inside?.. I knew that the day would come when it would all blow apart.
Certainly Heather’s and my reasons for making this drastic choice are very different…. but astrologically?It’s all very clear!
How intriguing for me to see this!… thanks Marjorie!!
I also notice her Pluto and Uranus are in the 2nd house.
A deep, nothing left unturned, dive into discovering HER true values and self-worth versus those she grew up with.
My Pluto and Uranus are in the 8th!
It’s a huge decision to make this choice… it not easy or done lightly…and there are tough consequences.
However, like Heather has said, it gave her the chance to separate enough to become.. well.. Heather!
Good for her.